It is not truth or a lie. It is what you create in your unconscious mind. Keep dreaming.
Everyone always is rushing. To eat. To relax. To go back to work. To be happy. To cry. We hide our emotions in the box inside ourselves and hope they never get out. We die without ever having a possibility to love somebody. And then we realize that all our lives we've been waiting for that chance (which never came) and wasted our time on trying to be perfect, trying to fit the frame of sympathy and and "being normal".
Only a few people managed to get out of the market of empty souls. And sometimes I still find my heart screaming "I WANT TO GO HOME. I WANT TO GO HOME...". And I know there is nothing I can do. Just quietly wait for a chance to go up to the mountain with a pain in the heart. Or drink a glass or two of wine and smile.
Still looking for freedom...
Sometimes I really struggle with my mind. It takes me so deep in the cave that I am not even sure any more if I can find a way out. Dangerous people have dangerous minds. Or it is the mind which makes them dangerous.
And they stand outside the house every morning and stare at me with an irony in their faces. Stop dreaming, Ieva, it is not good for you. Go better do your homework. You want learn to count money if you don't solve this maths task. Haa... If only I know before that actual maths exam at school would come useful in live. My foolish dreams betrayed me telling that it was easy to be an artist. No no, even artists nowadays have to pass maths. Why? Because you have to know the value of your talent and to count if you can make a profit from it. Probably, 90% of those who chose to study arts would have turned around at school and picked a safer way. Keep counting, Ieva, prove you identity and skills.
And now I will go outside to the storm and drown my disappointment in the rain. I will melt like chocolate close to the fire and drink myself trying to relax and focus.... On counting, writing, reading, believing... whatever.
The most important challenge to me right know is to learn to love. Then I will see.
Ieva, counting her time.
