''The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.'' (Ernest Hemingway)

I am not sure if there is another reason we are so mentally ill if not the matter of money. We believe we need it to buy things. We spend thousands on the dogs instead of adopting ones from the shelters. We go on holidays to relax from the stress the money causes.

One day I was walking back home from the town and as usually thinking about everything. And then I came up with an idea that if I ever earned at least £26000 (probably some people think that it is a joke to earn this amount of money in England, but, hey, as a Lithuanian, I am not asking much to fulfill my needs), I would donate £1500 to the charity, to children.

Children are our future, and sometimes they need a little help to move on to achieve something. Maybe they are the ones who will make changes in the degrading world.

The day after I was pleasantly surprised to receive a cheque from the government with a certain amount of money because apparently I overpaid the tax. Next day, I donated 10% of the amount to children, who are in need of money more than I am. Sometimes you need less than you think to make changes. I am certainly not looking for appraisal for doing so; I am just genially do not feel that I need all the money I get. And if I need, for what? To buy a packet of cigarettes? To put some implants in my breast to make them look more attractive? Or should I go buy finally new shoes for winter? I might just wait until I loose the sole in that case.

I feel I am a bit lost between my feelings and my fear. I need a great change, I am craving for a nice smell of freedom and creativity. Like the apple pie, I need to taste it hot and fresh, otherwise there is no point of putting it in my mouth and trying to chew.

I feel I lost my dreams and ambitions because I took the wrong turn. Hey, I am a fresh driver, I can make mistakes! I need to practice better to be more confident with myself. One person said to me when I mentioned that I would be interested  in working in film industry: "You need to be confident, that's all''. I spent my first year in the University of being afraid to speak English, second being not sure about my accent, and the third one I just skipped half of the lectures because I needed to work, and then I lost interest in studying.

Feeling a bit grungy today. I think It is time to pick up my pieces and go home...

One thing I am sure now, it is time to leave one thing. Anyone spare me a job?



Ieva, observing the nature.