“I come in a world of iron...to make a world of gold” ― Dale Wasserman, Man of La Mancha

Friday is a writing day. At least, that is what I hear in my head constantly. One Friday goes and another comes and I am still on my blank page. If I do write something, when I read it it feels like an old snake skin — uncanny to touch yet you feel a need to peel it off. I delete more words than I type.

I am my own challenge. I am unemployed unofficially as I have realized that doing the job where you don't see perspectives is just a comfortable waste of time. Yet I still do a job I cannot resign from. You see the time passing by, you keep yourself ''very busy'' with running away from self improvement and you cure your meat for too long that it becomes so dry that you need to put a splash of extra virgin olive oil to moisturise your pallets. Chew what you have made. Chew your old dreams and ambitions because that is the last pleasure you have left.

We live in the world where to complain is understood as a way of expressing opinion. If you go to YouTube to listen to some songs, there will always be someone to dislike some videos or songs. Or someone gives one star for dining experience in the restaurant. It's popular to be negative on social networks. If you don't like it, you leave. Accept it or forget it. Even if you live in England. But hey, I am just a foreigner...

I am in my own agony. I reached the point when I need some changes. I need to wear my old shoes and walk again the same road to see what I can change. The old maple try has faded in my despair. I can only see the old wooden cross far in the horizon. Shameless loss of belief for someone who doesn't deserve your time.

So much grudge I am carrying in my chest at the moment that I cannot see properly the reality. I lost the keys of my own home. Trapped between guilt and a will to live happily ever after.

I can change I can change I can change but who you want me to be?...

Be polite, sneeze with your mouth covered, wash your hands after. Don't spread the bacteria. You are useless note on the wall. All the rules and regulations.

Your one hand seeks for emergency exit and the other one takes you back to your numbness.

Congratulations, you finally entered the world. They will tie your hands and cover your eyes. Walk straight and with no hesitation. If you stop, they will peel your skin and put you in the gas camera to slowly suffocate on your doubts.

Live fast or be alive for long.


Ieva, trying to find her old shoes.

P.S. Don't be with a person who doesn't see anything else apart from his ego. I have been consumed for too long...

"Life is too short to worry about anything. You had better enjoy it because the next day promises nothing" (Eric Davis)

Hi there, I am looking for a job. At the moment I am running around like my head was on fire. And yet the water in the glass is still. Need some sparkle.

I cannot close my eyes any more. I have to look around the reality. Where I am, who I am. I am going to buy a ticket. Goodybag goodybag. Life is divided by monthly payments.  After all, I have started realizing that nothing actually here does make sense. Maybe I should go home? Ashes to ashes, we all fall down to the same place. To the same green land with sweet strawberries. You pick one and you suck it with all the dirt it has on to be united with your land.

And here I cannot even have a dog. Because dog is dirty. Dog is filthy. Dog's place is outside. All my childhood I considered my dog as my brother and I have been told that the dog is just animal. No no no... I still believe that dogs are better friends than people.

But anyway, it is not about the dogs I am trying to think of. It the thing what I recently discovered. I have a limited time offer to change my life now. Probably I shouldn't waste my time any more as it is too precious. And yet I sill manage to climb on top of my misery and disappointment. I am still walking trying to catch my fields of gold. And after having spent my days watching the rain I suddenly realise that the only thing I am not capable of is... Enjoy.

But am I capable of carrying on? Am I capable of showing new life around. I am not a tour guide, no no. I am still living above the trees... Flying between mountains and rivers looking for the right place to satisfy my thirst and hunger. I cannot lose my dreams I have built, the ones which gave me hope to thrive.

And after all I still find myself fighting against something.

Ieva, silently fighting her way through.