"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do" (Eleanor Roosevelt)

Hello there dark dark night. You are so quiet and cold to me. I spent entire hour looking at you and waiting for a wisp of cloud to cut the moon in half. Again remembered crazy Salvador Dali. I wish I could see the world her perceived years ago. One marvelous dream wrapped in insanity. I bet he followed white rabbit which appeared from the tiny red doors behind the wardrobe. I would dare myself to follow my schedule only I must say.

Winter is here. The green has lost its battle against the white here in a land of cold. I should light a candle by my laptop to warm myself up. Shivering light is subtly hypnotizing. It takes me back to my childhood. Straight back to those desires I could not have. I remember how I wanted to play with some kids outside but they did not let me do that because I was too young. I used to bring pancakes my grandmother made for me to be accepted to take a small part in their foolish games. And it worked every time!

I wish I could use the power of pancakes every time I have to face a fear and refusal. Imagine: you make a plate of pancakes with maple syrup and strawberries for your future. And then leave it by the window at night for it to take it. And then next day you wake up on the island in the middle of Pacific ocean without your phone. And no one is able to ask you a question: "What are you going to do in the future?", with an expression on their faces saying "eventually you will end up in debt for you academic knowledge you will not need in your life because you will clean Trafalgar square every morning at 5 a.m". Oh no no no... I am a rocket man; suddenly I take off my spacesuit to get some fresh air. I should crawl through my life hoping for the future to take my pancakes...

Or should I just knock on Heaven's door?

Or I will beat all fears up leading myself to a dodgy place in my mind. Hello there, inspiration... Haven't seen you in a while.

Ieva, fighting her fears away.