1. Why the hell did I decide to come and live here?!
2. I don't really care about anything, I am just going with the flow towards maybe something more exciting.
3. What? Has it really been three years since I came here? Times flies by here when you jump into the rhythm of working 7 days a week...
4. I actually like living here — lovely town, great friends, different people and never ending days and nights.
And then I get weekly dreams of old places of Lithuania. Last night I had a strange dream that I was cycling to the park where my grandfather used to take me every weekend for a walk. And I dreamed I was there walking around and looking for him. But I couldn't see him. The colours of fall blinded me and I was lost in the forest among all dead leaves.
Shhh... Don't wake up the dead.
I wake up again here in the place where I am now. The same old building, the same boring walk to work. Back and forth back and forth. And I am swinging day to day in the same routine while a quiet man behind me whispers me: "For how long can pendulum swing left and right?".
I am very easily bored person. If I don't do anything exciting for a while, I become moody and miserable. It can't be changed.
I want to start the race now instead of waiting for a permission. Life is too short to settle down in one small town and wait for Tuesdays and Fridays to check the lottery and hope to win at least something to kick myself out to a new level of life. I'd better fall after trying to do something new and be slapped straight into my face than sit comfortably on the every day chair and hope one day I will be acknowledged. Wake up, Ieva, acknowledgement comes after failures and final winning of something you really believe in.
And I believe in myself as every person deserves to do so. It's time to start.
Ieva, in her best position to jump.
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