“Nobody is mysteriously mysterious. To be mysterious all it takes is hard work, misdirection, and a fog machine.” (Jarod Kintz)

It is great to be outside when the Sun is out. A bit of tan would do good to my pale skin. It's already spring! Beautiful.

It kind of reminds me the time when I was in my first year of University. Lovely spring. I can see myself going up to hill with a huge shopping bag (the environmental friendly one, surprisingly). Then stopping in the middle of the way and enjoying a cigarette, which clearly made sense to have it even though I was completely out of breath, on the same bench every time.

But enough about my memories. I have been quite busy recently with my so called new project ''Valentino''. But despite it, I have been thinking (as I always do this — more action, please!) about certain human behaviors I don't really get. If there is anyone actually who could give me an answer (and anyone who reads it), I am more than happy to listen to your opinion. Because of this life time project, I did not have much chance to discuss much with people while having a nice cup of strong long coffee.

First of all, one thing that is really bothering me is uploading your children's photos on social networks. Seriously?! You take the identity of your child before he even understand he exists. I believe you should allow your child to grow up enough to do it himself. I mean, I completely understand how proud you are to be mother, father, grandmother, cousin or neighbor of this child, but, please, don't share it on the internet where the data no matter if deleted or not stays there like 3rd stage cancer in young man's body. Imagine if you post your little girl's photo playing outside with her lovely bright red dress, and some pedophile (might not happen but, hey, there's always a chance) downloads the picture and pleases himself while creating some disgusting things in his head what he would do with your little one!

Born and raised by those who praise...

It is harsh, but you have to face all aspects of reality. As the environment is more and more polluted every year, humanity observes its all negativity. Every year, you can read terrible things about human behavior and you debate yourself how it is actually possible to come up with such an idea. For example, the recent news everybody must have read about. This pilot was so depressed that instead of hanging himself in the shed in his garden, he decided to crash the plane to French Alps killing 148 other people. I guess he didn't have a shed and the garden? The irony is that because of his illness he is completely innocent. God bless the law! That is another reason why we should save environment because, sooner we know, we all will become beasts living in the caves and attacking each other verbally, physically and psychologically.

Nowadays, the global warming warns me less than the headlines of the newspapers. I understand that it is quite commercial as well to intrigue a consumer with a story so he brainlessly purchase it to feed his imagination. All news are the same, only expressed in different words. I can divide all of them in four main categories: Putin, Elections, EU and Pulp Fiction. You know, at this point I'd better choose to read fictional books.

Anyway, I am not too sure if I raised any questions but I am sure for one: world is not a mystery anymore. Everything has become too bland and obvious. I think everyone can now become sidekicks and predict the future. Only lottery on TV is a mystery. I never manage to win.

Anyway, there are two things I really wish for now. First, alien invasion. And second, go home and see my family. The second one will become real soon. About the first, will see...

Ieva, trying haunt the time.

When people are taken out of their depths they lose their heads, no matter how charming a bluff they may put up" (F. Scott Fitzgerald)

Seems like the world is going crazy nowadays. Are we going up or down? Did we just exchange self-consciousness to unconscious stupidity?

Seems like it has been years since we used to play table games or cards with friends having a chilled evening without alcoholic drinks. Now everyone expects you to dress up, emphasize on décolleté (if you are a woman), put a hell of amount of make up and go out trying to seek attention. Hey, you didn't have a good night if your photos are not  posted on Instagram or Facebook with your name tagged within next week. Living the life at the fullest. Might be the time to change my profile picture. Hash tag hash tag... Like like like. Comment. Interesting rhythm kicks in my brain. Or brainwash.

The society loosing its face in the never ending entertainment hall. There are no windows, only a smartphone. And you are walking without looking around. Express your numb feelings about the girl who was next to your for so long that you can smell her perfume a kilometre away. But you lost your chance while being online and updating your status how lonely you feel sometimes.

It is nothing wrong to use internet as long as we don't forget to use our brains and we still can differentiate between reality and the unreal. Suddenly I turn to the mirror and look at myself. The reflection of it is what I create in my mind. Might not be the most objective perspective the mirror, but can social networks reveal something more real than a real reflection?

I am getting confused in my twisted mind. I have so many thoughts on my mind that sometimes I struggle to speak up. Remember, nodding is good too, Ieva,..

Anyway, I am feeling a bit sensitive today and would like to have a little faith in myself. I would like to describe myself as an artist. I need inspiration to be happy and create beauty from my twisted mind. Write twelve biographies and thirteen fictional novels. And most important — take the best moments in people’s lives and feed my adventurous heart with travels. Inspire my friends and be inspired by them.

I would like to thank my sister. Her note with one of my writing framed I got as a present still makes me cry and be proud. I love you with all my heart.

Ieva, listening too much of Joe Cocker.

"To unpathed waters, undreamed shores" (William Shakespeare)

So strange what love does...

One day I looked at myself in the mirror. I saw this girl under pressure for several reasons. First of all, job she has is unbearable and she started hating it from deep of her soul. Secondly, she is wanted to be accountant aka office cow, which she was trying to run away from since she was a child and everyone was pushing her to go to study law, economics and other similar subjects.

But that time girl was a rebel and while spitting everyone straight into their faces she ran away to study abroad. She chose to study films as she found that the creative side was becoming more and more powerful and needed more space to absorb different notes from the nature.

But being an artist isn't easily approved profession as we are living in capitalism. You can't be an artist without money. So the girl spent three years working more than studying to pay her accommodation and living.

As everyone has experience with their own skin: having money in your pocket makes you comfortable. And the girl forgot she had ambitions to prove people she didn't need to study law or economics...

Meanwhile I was looking at myself in the mirror, I noticed a little sparkle left in one eye. It was screaming to be out. I came all this way to be where I am now — unhappy. Great achievement, Ieva.

And from now own I made a promise to myself — fuck all accounting books and concentrate on what I my heart wants me to do.

When I read someone's autobiography, I find myself more excited about reading the empty pages. And I know that one day people will write about my life. And I will be just laughing at their interpretations of some certain my future decisions.

But now — I am my own god and I am responsible for my decisions. And I am not too sure if I feel confident about it.

Have you ever seen yourself drowning in water? I've done this twice. Every new experience brings you a bright sun sparkle to follow. I have become a pilot of my own car in my own road.

Though I am still in some kind of nightmare which is holding me tight. I feel I am following the limits of life without any passion left. Whose going to light a candle on my grave?

I am a stranger to my family and myself. Can I find anyone to take me out of this horror and put me on the bright spot? How to gain the spirit to win against all doubts and be more confident of my goals?

Ieva, lost in her dreams.

“Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” ― C.S. Lewis

Once there was a little prince. He lived in his lonely planet with a rose. The rose seemed to be very demanding that one day little prince decided to go away and leave her alone to look after herself. He traveled miles and miles meeting new characters. Eventually he realized that the rose was the only one to him, his little flower. And he went back home to appreciate what he had. I am not sure what he found at home as probably Antoine left it for us to finish the story. Did he find the rose still loyally waiting for him or she died without no one looking after her? It is all up to our imagination leading us through the life.

What life should you choose? A life of an adventurous prince or fragile rose? Are you a strong oak or just an aspen on a windy mountain?

Doesn't matter what life you choose, it is how you live it. You need to do anything what makes you sophisticated. And the most important thing is to live in peace with your mind... and heart.

And there is that one time when you wake up with a realization that you need to leave. Leave job you do as it drains you from head to toes. Or just leave the town, where you grew up and start living in a foreign country. The world is too small to stay in one place. Especially if you have an adventurous heart or a hope to find a brighter place.

But somehow after running from one place to another you realize that there are no sweeter strawberries as you have at home. And there is nothing more precious than a morning coffee in a cafe with your own mother.

Irony is that every time I get an offer to taste home strawberries, I cannot feel the same flavor anymore. It is just the same as everywhere else. It appears to me that I grew up and now I have other priorities in my world — to look after my own family and fight for our health and happiness.

Soon our family will find special planet and plant roses. And not only roses for our little prince, but strawberries as well. So sweet as they used to be when we were children. There is no more "I" anymore. There is a greater power to push us forward to be adventurous and explore the world from new perspective.

Honey you are a rock, upon which I stand...

Ieva, starting new period of her life.

When the world ends I will probably be able to feel it. For now on the life revolves around the spoons...

What is like to be living in a foreign country? I ask this question myself quite often. Depending on a mood I get a few answers in my head:

1. Why the hell did I decide to come and live here?!

2. I don't really care about anything, I am just going with the flow towards maybe something more exciting.

3. What? Has it really been three years since I came here? Times flies by here when you jump into the rhythm of working 7 days a week...

4. I actually like living here — lovely town, great friends, different people and never ending days and nights.

And then I get weekly dreams of old places of Lithuania. Last night I had a strange dream that I was cycling to the park where my grandfather used to take me every weekend for a walk. And I dreamed I was there walking around and looking for him. But I couldn't see him. The colours of fall blinded me and I was lost in the forest among all dead leaves.

Shhh... Don't wake up the dead.

I wake up again here in the place where I am now. The same old building, the same boring walk to work. Back and forth back and forth. And I am swinging day to day in the same routine while a quiet man behind me whispers me: "For how long can pendulum swing left and right?".

I am very easily bored person. If I don't do anything exciting for a while, I become moody and miserable. It can't be changed.

I want to start the race now instead of waiting for a permission. Life is too short to settle down in one small town and wait for Tuesdays and Fridays to check the lottery and hope to win at least something to kick myself out to a new level of life. I'd better fall after trying to do something new and be slapped straight into my face than sit comfortably on the every day chair and hope one day I will be acknowledged. Wake up, Ieva, acknowledgement comes after failures and final winning of something you really believe in.

And I believe in myself as every person deserves to do so. It's time to start.

Ieva, in her best position to jump.

"Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe" (Gail Devers)

What a journey, so hard to describe.

Sometimes when you feel you are running to the right direction, someone punches you right in you face. This is how I feel at the moment.

You win you lose. So much to do here, and yet nothing is done. The books started falling from the unread pile one. Maybe it's the wind from the opened window...

The words I suddenly promise to myself disappear from my mouth and brain. Just the guilt left angrily reminding things I am supposed to do. I should start playing angry birds as the ones I have could easily kill the pigs hiding under the bricks.

Please, God, give me wings, I  fall on my knees and start begging in the land of green. I wish so many things sometimes that I get lost in my dreams. And I just wish to see my family. Again and again. Look at my mother's eyes, the ones I see sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror.

But it is not the end of the life, it is the beginning of the new period. Great changes and even higher expectations. It is perfect time to move on and start a new journey, new exciting way.

Caterpillar once grows up and becomes a beautiful butterfly.

The life is divided by so many roads with different directions that sometimes you have to close your eyes and listen to your heart which one you should choose.

At the moment I just wish I could exchange my fifteen minutes morning showers to relaxing bath with rose petals. Or fifteen minutes walk to work through the same road would be more appealing if I was going towards a certain ambition. Routine, only routine can kill the strongest.

But now I have to head to the kitchen to make myself coffee to keep it running.

I planted my little talent in the pot. I hope with a good care and love it will grow and flourish. I am what I am and I have to believe not only in others but in myself as well. I can see the bright future, just it takes time to choose the right way. My own way.

Ieva, walking through the jungle.

"Life is too short to worry about anything. You had better enjoy it because the next day promises nothing" (Eric Davis)

Hi there, I am looking for a job. At the moment I am running around like my head was on fire. And yet the water in the glass is still. Need some sparkle.

I cannot close my eyes any more. I have to look around the reality. Where I am, who I am. I am going to buy a ticket. Goodybag goodybag. Life is divided by monthly payments.  After all, I have started realizing that nothing actually here does make sense. Maybe I should go home? Ashes to ashes, we all fall down to the same place. To the same green land with sweet strawberries. You pick one and you suck it with all the dirt it has on to be united with your land.

And here I cannot even have a dog. Because dog is dirty. Dog is filthy. Dog's place is outside. All my childhood I considered my dog as my brother and I have been told that the dog is just animal. No no no... I still believe that dogs are better friends than people.

But anyway, it is not about the dogs I am trying to think of. It the thing what I recently discovered. I have a limited time offer to change my life now. Probably I shouldn't waste my time any more as it is too precious. And yet I sill manage to climb on top of my misery and disappointment. I am still walking trying to catch my fields of gold. And after having spent my days watching the rain I suddenly realise that the only thing I am not capable of is... Enjoy.

But am I capable of carrying on? Am I capable of showing new life around. I am not a tour guide, no no. I am still living above the trees... Flying between mountains and rivers looking for the right place to satisfy my thirst and hunger. I cannot lose my dreams I have built, the ones which gave me hope to thrive.

And after all I still find myself fighting against something.

Ieva, silently fighting her way through.